Cultivating our well-being is a skill, like any other, that we can all develop.
When we want to run a marathon, we have to train until we are able to do 40 or so kilometers in a row. Likewise, when we talk about our emotional ‘fitness’, we also have to go to the ‘gym’ to strengthen the muscles of well-being and resilience.
The objective of going to the gym to obtain more emotional fitness is not to transform ourselves into The Rock of emotions and crush every less pleasant feeling that arises, but to know how we can better support ourselves, to go through challenging situations, avoiding exhaustion and emotional exhaustion.
Here is a list of five skills that we can train to cultivate greater well-being:
1. Observation (versus judgment)
The first skill we can develop is being able to observe situations factually. That is, we leave aside judgments (usually negative) regarding events.
Example:
Observation: I forgot my cell phone at home.
Judgment: How stupid! I always have my head in the air. How did I let this happen?
We can apply this approach even with the most difficult emotions, for example:
Observation: I recognize that I am feeling sad/tired/exhausted right now.
Judgment: I have such a good life, I shouldn’t feel this way.
Factual clarity helps us make better decisions (as opposed to the weight of negativity, which usually immobilizes us). To do this, we can ask ourselves:
What small action can I put into practice to feel better?
2. Gratitude (versus negativity)
Gratitude is an antidote to our brain’s natural inclination towards the negative, particularly when we experience periods of uncertainty or difficult times. We can focus our attention every day – even if just for 5 minutes – to identify and recognize the good things we have.
We can write in a journal or simply mentally list three small but specific things we feel grateful for. When doing this exercise, it helps to use our memory to relive the emotions associated with these things (for example: when remembering the hug my son gave me this morning, I try to remember the feeling I had when I held him against me This helps our brain produce the chemicals and hormones that make us feel good: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin).
3. Self-care
There are a lot of misconceptions about self-care: it’s not necessarily (just) about getting a pedicure or a massage or giving ourselves a treat every now and then.
Self-care involves developing our self-awareness and knowing how to manage our mental, emotional and physical energy. It’s about identifying our needs and limits and managing and communicating them in the best way possible, paying attention to the different requests we receive. This usually involves learning to say ‘no’.
4. Intentional Kindness
No Man is an island. We do not live alone in this world and connection with other human beings is a basic need of ours. To nurture this feeling of connection, which is directly linked to our well-being, we can practice intentional acts of kindness and kindness toward others.
For example, we can offer something to someone, without expecting anything in return, help someone with a difficulty, knowing that we can be useful, even if it means deviating a little from our route.
But even small gestures, which may seem simple to our eyes, can help someone restore their faith in humanity (Wow, now I’m really dramatic! I think you can even make a sticker with this idea.)
5. Greater purpose
To find our purpose, we don’t necessarily need to make a pilgrimage to Fátima (I’m writing this on May 13th, so that’s what occurred to me). We can find the connection to this purpose in our daily lives, in small actions, whether in our relationships with our children, partners or friends, or in the professional tasks we have at hand.
It helps us associate each task we perform with a greater objective. In other words, we think about the people we can impact or help when we perform a certain action. For example: I like to make my bed every day before starting my work day. It’s not just a (boring) task, it gives me a sense of organization, helps me structure my thinking and this has implications for my performance. The way we view our to-do list, especially if we give it greater meaning, can help us better manage stress and increase our motivation.
And here it is: five skills that you can put into practice, in a simple way, and that have an impact on emotional well-being. Which one can you start training today?