Nine years ago, I saw a photo on the front page of a newspaper that I’ve never forgotten. Sharing it would be a form of emotional exploitation, so I’m going to describe it briefly: we were in the middle of the refugee crisis in the Mediterranean in 2015, and it was the image of a lifeless child on the beach. You might remember it.

My son was 9 months old back then, and looking at the photo, I just saw him. I cried for hours. At the end of the day, when I picked him up from nursery, I was grieving and energy-depleted. That day, I didn’t take him to the park. I couldn’t.

It’s with this true story that I usually explain the limits of empathy to my students.

We learn that empathy is always beneficial. And, in its nature, it is. But there is a better way of dealing with the suffering around us than being hijacked by our emotional empathy. In my situation:

I got so caught up in my own emotions that I couldn’t focus during the workday.
The emotional exhaustion prevented me from being present with my son in the evening.
The state I was in didn’t allow me to consider practical actions to help in that humanitarian crisis.

Yes, empathy matters. But we cannot be stuck there. We must move to concrete action that is useful in the context of the suffering we are faced with.

This is where COMPASSION comes in. Empathy is the first step: recognizing and understanding a situation of suffering. Compassion is asking ourselves: how can I help?

I give this example in class to illustrate something important for all leaders to recognize: There is no effective leadership without compassion.

It’s easy to see from my example how empathy alone leads to burnout, while compassion leads to action. An empathetic leader understands the different individual perspectives presented to them. A compassionate leader uses that understanding to make important decisions that are best for the whole.

Going back to my story, what would have been different if I had moved on to compassion? After a period of shock and emotional management, I would have:

➡ Looked for practical ways to help (signing a petition, writing a letter, donating to credible organizations on the ground).
➡ Felt that I had made a useful contribution, which would also have had a positive impact on my nervous system (more on this in another post).
➡ Picked my son up and, although I might have felt sad, I would have had energy to take him to the park and be present for him.

That’s the power of compassion in one single episode of life.
Can you imagine what it could do for companies?

I’m curious what you think.

What do you think compassion can mean for leadership?

A.         Being a strategic component
B.         A so-so relevant soft skill