Most of us have a natural tendency to avoid conflict and resist it. Instead of facing the issue directly, we often choose to maintain a friendly stance, but inside we dwell on the situations or end up venting to people outside of the conflict.
We convince ourselves that this is preferable to confronting the people we are in conflict with and risking “rocking the boat” and hurting or offending someone.
Our most common fears when faced with conflicts are confrontation, rejection and worsening an already not very favorable situation.
Avoiding conflicts therefore seems to be the easiest solution. However, we often don’t understand that by avoiding them, we only prolong them, fueling longer-lasting resentments.
Now, let’s imagine a different perspective. What if we had the ability to manage conflicts with confidence and compassion, seeing them not as threats but as opportunities to better understand certain situations? How could this vision transform our relationships, our way of being at work and our lives in general?
What if, in this process, we replaced our fears with curiosity, and viewed conflicts as moments of learning and growth? As an opportunity to test ourselves and become an improved version of ourselves?
All of this is possible and starts with a small change in the way we perceive conflicts. Instead of seeing them as a competition, in which one side wins and the other loses, in which we want to emerge victorious (“I’m right”), we can choose to see them as an opportunity to collaborate, be more creative and curious, seeking understand first.
So how to achieve it?
There are four fundamental steps:
Self-awareness: identifying our own “triggers” and biases, our patterns of behavior, and making them conscious processes (for example, if I know that I tend to avoid conflict situations, I can develop an internal dialogue in which I question my own reactions and rationalize responses more effective).
Empathetic listening: many conflicts arise because different people have different views of the same event. Or because we attribute certain intentions to the behaviors of others, which can be completely wrong. Often, turning to our curiosity (instead of judgment) and listening to the other person’s perspective can be enough to resolve a tense situation.
Compassion for ourselves and others: when we recognize that we are all human, full of insecurities and imperfections, this opens up new perspectives. Often, our ego intrudes on our ability to resolve conflict effectively.
Overcoming discomfort: learning to navigate the feeling of discomfort, with the awareness that growth usually comes from situations in which we feel most vulnerable, is a fundamental skill when dealing with people — and we all have many people to deal with along the way of life.
Embracing conflict presupposes that we recognize our common humanity — our imperfections, fears and failures — and find the courage to embrace them, establish dialogue and navigate the difficult and, at the same time, wonderful process that is our evolution and growth.
Perhaps we can begin to reframe conflict as a path to our “success” as human beings; not as a block to our relationships, but as a bridge that connects us to ourselves, to others, and to all the possibilities before us.